Moral Development

The most important moral value I would like to pass to my children is honesty. Honesty means telling the truth, whether it’s good or bad. Sometimes, in our era of confessionalism, accepting truth is as vital as disclosure. Often, telling the truth is painful and requires courage. My husband and I agree on this, very strongly. For example, assume a kid plays ball, and accidently breaks a window. If no one is around, it is easy just to leave the scene rather than to admit to an adult what happened. But it is so important for kids to tell the truth. Only when you are honest with others will others be honest with you. It is mutual. Only when you are honest can others see the real you. This quality is vital for a successful life, and for all relationships. People can understand what you’ve done right or wrong, and can help you to find the right direction. To teach my kids honesty I show them how honest I am. Also I often tell them the story that my dad told me – about crying wolf. It was about a boy who herded sheep. One day he was bored and called out, “The wolf is coming!” People heard his voice and so put down their work and ran to save him. When they arrived, they didn’t see a wolf and the boy was laughing. The boy did this twice. The third time a real wolf actually came. He called again, but they didn’t believe him. The wolf ate his sheep. I hope my kids learn the lesson from this story.

The second important moral value is respect. Respect (and tolerate) others, their different cultures and their religions. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. Show respect for elders, other parents, teachers, and peers. For example, at home, respect your own parents by listening and obeying, and do not talk back or yell or shout. A legitimate debate is fine. Also, respect those who are younger than you, even babies. Ask permission beforehand. When you respect others, they will respect to you—it’s the basis of developing good relationships with others. We teach respect by being respectful to them and others. They learn from what they see.

The third value is being responsible. Try your best. Do good work. Live up to your promises. Own up to your mistakes. Take responsibility for what you are doing. A responsible student should study hard, finish work on time, prepare for tests, be involved in school activities. Be responsible for your behavior. Do things that will make you proud. Aspire to excellence. For adults to be responsible is to raise kids in a positive way, educate them, provide safety and security for them. Direct them. Parents are there when they need you. Only when everyone takes responsibility can the job be done right and well. Each day we show kids responsibility because we’re there for them—they can count on us. We are serious about what we are doing, and we consider consequences. The fourth is having empathy. It means walking in other people’s shoes, understand how others feel. Nowadays, a lot of kids don’t understand what it means to be poor. Kids waste food, spend money on toys that they quickly discard. They don’t appreciate that in many parts of the world some kids have few books to read, and sometimes go to bed hungry. Also as more and more kids with disabilities join regular class, we should never look down or make fun of them. We should recognize and be encouraged by their strength. Imagine how well you can do if you are in the same situation. Teach empathy by example. Such as, volunteer work for at the Food Bank, or help drive an elderly person to the doctor and so on.

The last value I hope to teach is loyalty. Every one should be loyal to their family and to their country. Being loyal to your family means you stand up for them. There is an old saying. “It is easy to break one chopstick, but four or five together are hard to break.” A family member is like a chopstick. If we stand together, stand up for each other we can overcome all the difficulties we have. This also may involve bravery and standing up for what is right. The family is the smallest unit of society. If you can be loyal to your family then you will be loyal to your community and ultimately to your country. That’s why loyalty is important. Teaching loyalty is best by modeling it and using real life experience to show kids what loyalty means. For example, imagine you live in a very poor village. Since you are one of the smart kids, your parents work hard to save money for you to go to university in the city. Your village people also contribute money to allow you to study, too. When you graduate, and should you become a leader, it becomes your time to give back to your parents and village people. You do not just think about your own interest and benefits. Being loyal to family also means showing your support when times are hard.

(My husband asks: "How does the value of survival fit into all of this? Does the imperative of survival trump these other values? If so, when? I explain to him that this is just a class assignment, and I will consider his question over the long-term, because right now thinking about it is making my brain tired.)

(For Middle Childhood Class--Winter 2009--at De Anza College - Prof. McKeithan)